Advice(Maybe), First Dates

Keep Those Lips Zipped

I recently wrote a guest post for Jillian Conley‘s blog on my Top Five First Date Pitfalls (you can read it here!) In a swell of purely hilarious/horrible irony, the evening before the post hit the masses, I had a date that refreshed my mind of oh so many things you shouldn’t say on a first date! It was a bit of a let down, honestly, since it was a second date that had seemed very promising. Either way, here we are, a sub-list of the Top Five First Date Pitfalls: The Top 10 Things You Probably Shouldn’t Talk About on a First (or Second) Date

• As charming as I’m sure you are when inebriated, please spare me the stories of the stupidest things you’ve ever done because of booze.

• Don’t tell me about the numerous times you’ve brought dates to the same date spot we are currently dating in.

• Condoms. And really, sex in general. But definitely, condoms. I don’t want to talk about condoms with a stranger over dinner.

• How you don’t read books. (This is a joke. mostly.)

• Any time you intentionally made someone upset or ruined their day. Spite and Malice is a card game, not an attractive quality in a date.

• Wedding rings.

• Probably don’t lecture me on professional advice.

• I thought it was understood that talking about exes is a dating no-no, no? Why do people continue to do it so frequently? Stop. Please, stop.

• That one time you were really high.

• Anything involving the phrases “go hard” or “get fucked up”


Clearly, I think that first date conversations should be confined to flowers and butterflies. Or, you know, hobbies, interests and activities other than getting crunk and having protected sex with your exes that you brought to this same restaurant where we currently sit. But that might just me, maybe some girls like to know you’ve have a propensity for belligerent brawls and always pick ribbed (for her pleasure.) I guess you have to feel it out and take it on a case by case basis.


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