Earlier in the fall I met this incredible woman who showed me that my hair really looks better in a refined, structured lil’ cut rather than long and, as one ex once put it, scraggly locks. But how great she makes my hair look is neither here nor there in this post. On the other hand, how great she is as a person, is the basis of this post! It turns out she’s diving back into the Chicago dating scene (competition is on, girl! Dukes up!) after her last person-of-interest “fell off the planet” (I think that’s how she put it). As we chatted about it over Facebook, we both lamented at how those men who go AWOL are THE ABSOLUTE WORST. But then…. I realized something…

So here’s some background: As per usual, I’ve spent the last few months going on dates. One particular gent snagged my attention more than others and his kindness and generosity kind of sucked me in a little bit. All in all, over the course of about two months (including the holiday season) we met up about half a dozen times. He was super sweet, cooked me dinner (twice!) and I was really comfortable around him. So I figured I’d wait it out and see if a spark came around. When it didn’t, well, you know, my schedule started to look busier and, uh, I started forgetting to text him back (honestly unintentionally! I swear! you know how it goes, right? When you’re excited about someone you text them back IMMEDIATELY. When you’re not, you see the text but decide to finish whatever project you were occupied with and before you know it, it’s 24 hours later and you haven’t responded…) And all of a sudden I’m that awful AWOL person! Crap, right?

And thus, here’s my question – I’ve been dumped by a handful of methods. Once, in high school, I was dumped via Facebook (to be fair, I stopped answering his calls…) And it seems the general consensus is that some methods are abhorrent while others more acceptable. Breaking it off by email? Hell no. But calling me up and showing up at my apartment to have “a talk” about how we probably shouldn’t see each other any more after casually dating for a month and a half? Well, that was a bit excessive too. And certainly far far far too awkward. So Question 1: When is it actually a Break Up with a capital B that requires formality and anxiety and possibly tears, and Question 2: how does one really gracefully bow out of something casual that isn’t progressing as hoped?


100% certain


Now, to be fair, I’m not sure the exact depth or breadth of my friend’s relationship situation so I’m not putting myself on the exact same playing field as this guy. But, I’m genuinely curious. What’s the best way to get out of something casual, with someone who is genuinely super nice, just not, you know, The One?

Colin firth


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