Attention, Men of Chicago: You Win.

While they say there are many fish in the sea, it has been determined that Lake Michigan is not a sea and, for me, the well is dry.

lake-michigan-dried-upCool Pic from Chicago Rants!  

So I’m off to my next adventure. No longer shall I be dating my way through Chicago, instead I’ll be out and about making a difference in the world and living in Seattle!

seattleLooks pretty gorgeous, right?
I know, I know, you’re jealous. It’s ok. 

So alas, after just seven short months with my beloved blog, it’s time to move on (and up) in the world! A new blog is in the works so please stay tuned! It’ll be the same witty old me, just in Seattle.


Oh, and just for the record, it’s not really because of the men of Chicago that I’m leaving (they’re only partially to blame). I just landed one sweet new job working for an incredible organization, making the world a better place. What more could you want.

Curious to learn more about it? Just keep an eye out for my new blog – I’ll obviously post about it once it’s a reality – and you’ll get all the details! Thanks for reading, my dears!







It’s my birthday!!!!!!!!


You know what that mean… Updating the acceptable man age range on millions of dating profiles…. Oh, and champagne! Champs Champs Champs!

I know I’ve been terrible at updating and the truth is… I’ve been terrible at dating lately. Sometimes I think I should just pony up and lower my standards but then I hop on Tinder again and, well, see for yourself:

blogAlthough, a money covered cat doesn’t seem too bad now that I think about it.. hmmm. Oh, and thanks Ashley, your jorts selfie really made my day. All this combined with the weather as of late and its just like,


Ok, ok, ok now back to the champs!


The Countdown is On!


That’s the question, Time Magazine has posed to millions (perhaps even billions…) and you know what the answer [for me] was…



According to this handy little app, which ropes in data from Facebook, I’ve got a whole 2 years 10 months and 8 days to get hitched before I become one of those Late in Life Brides. That puts my wedding date at December 19, 2016. So the countdown is on!! This is how I intend to start all conversation with prospective dates going forward: “Hello, yes, pleasure to meet you. I have approximately 2 years, 10 months and 8 days to make it down the isle. Does that fit in your time frame? Yes? Great! No? Oh, well then I must dash! Time’s atickin’ as they say!

I hear wedding bells in my future! They’re just very faint…

In case you’d like to know exactly how much time you have before reaching spinster status, visit


Oh, and happy Valentine’s Day, friends!




Earlier in the fall I met this incredible woman who showed me that my hair really looks better in a refined, structured lil’ cut rather than long and, as one ex once put it, scraggly locks. But how great she makes my hair look is neither here nor there in this post. On the other hand, how great she is as a person, is the basis of this post! It turns out she’s diving back into the Chicago dating scene (competition is on, girl! Dukes up!) after her last person-of-interest “fell off the planet” (I think that’s how she put it). As we chatted about it over Facebook, we both lamented at how those men who go AWOL are THE ABSOLUTE WORST. But then…. I realized something…

So here’s some background: As per usual, I’ve spent the last few months going on dates. One particular gent snagged my attention more than others and his kindness and generosity kind of sucked me in a little bit. All in all, over the course of about two months (including the holiday season) we met up about half a dozen times. He was super sweet, cooked me dinner (twice!) and I was really comfortable around him. So I figured I’d wait it out and see if a spark came around. When it didn’t, well, you know, my schedule started to look busier and, uh, I started forgetting to text him back (honestly unintentionally! I swear! you know how it goes, right? When you’re excited about someone you text them back IMMEDIATELY. When you’re not, you see the text but decide to finish whatever project you were occupied with and before you know it, it’s 24 hours later and you haven’t responded…) And all of a sudden I’m that awful AWOL person! Crap, right?

And thus, here’s my question – I’ve been dumped by a handful of methods. Once, in high school, I was dumped via Facebook (to be fair, I stopped answering his calls…) And it seems the general consensus is that some methods are abhorrent while others more acceptable. Breaking it off by email? Hell no. But calling me up and showing up at my apartment to have “a talk” about how we probably shouldn’t see each other any more after casually dating for a month and a half? Well, that was a bit excessive too. And certainly far far far too awkward. So Question 1: When is it actually a Break Up with a capital B that requires formality and anxiety and possibly tears, and Question 2: how does one really gracefully bow out of something casual that isn’t progressing as hoped?


100% certain


Now, to be fair, I’m not sure the exact depth or breadth of my friend’s relationship situation so I’m not putting myself on the exact same playing field as this guy. But, I’m genuinely curious. What’s the best way to get out of something casual, with someone who is genuinely super nice, just not, you know, The One?

Colin firth

First Dates, Online Dating

“Back” in the Swing of Things

After two weeks home in Michigan and practically a third week off from work, I have successfully:

1. Gained a million-and-one pounds (primarily in wine and Christmas cookies);

2. Painted my bathroom a godawful shade of blue;

3. Cleaned my whole apartment;

4. Watched three seasons of SVU;

5. Failed to go on any dates and therefore failed to maintain my blog. Whoops.

Good news, my friends! While I may not be back into the professional swing of things quite yet (give me a few days…), I’ve strapped two dates under my belt in the last three days. Back in the saddle! Because, well…

tswiftMe too, T-Swift, me too.

In other news, I had a date at Glenn’s Diner the other night and it was INCREDIBLE. Their awning says “Best Food in the World” and while I don’t know how accurate that is, I do know that they had a CEREAL WALL that was stocked with every childhood cereal you’ve ever dreamed of. While I enjoyed a delectable Lake Superior White Fish, I had my eye on that box of Count Chocula alllllll night. Damn. Read more about it: here

Online Dating

Lords a Leaping (i.e. Men for Christmas)

Picture1When asked what I wanted for Christmas, a new man and a new car were essentially the top two things on my list. Granted, my dad would do a stellar job at picking out an affordable, reliable vehicle to truck me around the city, but I started to get curious about what kind of suitor my family members would wrap up and put under the tree if given the chance.

Probably, my mother would snag me a dapper (and tall) Canadian gent. Liberal thinking, who likes to wear buffalo plaid, and knows how to sail a laser. He’d have to be able to play card games without getting too rowdy, enjoy washing the dishes after dinner, and, of course, would be able to craft a stellar G&T. A rugged yet refined, educated lumberjack with a 9 to 5 and high IQ.


My mom and I have pretty similar taste.

My dad on the other hand, I can only begin to imagine. He’d probably find some goofy hooligan who he could count on to be up for picking the most ridiculous paper to wrap my guy in (something with a repeating pattern of J.Biebs or OneD) before leaving him under the tree for days/weeks so as to deter my suspicions (secretly feeding him only at night once I’ve gone to bed and never ever sneezing.) Mandatory skills include golf, yoga and a propensity for bad puns. A laid back attitude paired with a well rounded mental database of all things science-related, ranging from bird and plant identification skills to conversational knowledge of lipid mediators and Citrullination. Whatever those are.


I think I may have actually gone out with this guy on Tuesday (minus the golf/yoga bit, plus a bit of knowledge about fermentation as it pertains to brewskies.) Second date on the books for Monday

I think… that my brother… would, hmmm, uh, maybe, Send me one of his MBA buddies? Or pull some wine & cheese loving, foodie, [successful] vineyard owning hipster. Or a tech/finance nerd. An engineer? Interest in travel would be appreciated, I’m sure. The seal of approval would come once he knew what kind of books the guy kept (and once he knew his income.)


Fun fact: Ashton Kutcher studied engineering before he realized how attractive he was. Fun fact: Steve Jobs was a brilliant wackadoo

Update: upon reading this post, my brother told me I was way off base but also refused to correct me. He also told me to stop writing about him on my blog. Like that’s going to happen!

Obviously, Jake the Cat just wants me to stay single.


That said, we’ve got some irons in the fire despite the hectic holiday season. Holiday dating is a trick (can I get an Amen?). How the heck am I supposed to make time for cocktails when all I can think about is sugar plumps and twinkle lights?? And it’s no fun to do the romantic holiday dates with someone you’ve just met (although a Zoo Lights date is in the works!) Plus, my Tinder activity has severely dropped off since discovering QuizUp. I guess I like being smarter than people more than I like being judgmental (ha)

So blogosphere, got any tips for holiday-style dating? And more importantly, what are you asking for this holiday season?