First Dates

But really…

When I found out that I’m the first woman he’s ever actually met from an online dating service….

james franco


On a similar note: I was just curious, does anybody really think zombies are sexy? I don’t get it.


Necrophilia much? Thanks but no thanks…


Advice(Maybe), First Dates

Keep Those Lips Zipped

I recently wrote a guest post for Jillian Conley‘s blog on my Top Five First Date Pitfalls (you can read it here!) In a swell of purely hilarious/horrible irony, the evening before the post hit the masses, I had a date that refreshed my mind of oh so many things you shouldn’t say on a first date! It was a bit of a let down, honestly, since it was a second date that had seemed very promising. Either way, here we are, a sub-list of the Top Five First Date Pitfalls: The Top 10 Things You Probably Shouldn’t Talk About on a First (or Second) Date

• As charming as I’m sure you are when inebriated, please spare me the stories of the stupidest things you’ve ever done because of booze.

• Don’t tell me about the numerous times you’ve brought dates to the same date spot we are currently dating in.

• Condoms. And really, sex in general. But definitely, condoms. I don’t want to talk about condoms with a stranger over dinner.

• How you don’t read books. (This is a joke. mostly.)

• Any time you intentionally made someone upset or ruined their day. Spite and Malice is a card game, not an attractive quality in a date.

• Wedding rings.

• Probably don’t lecture me on professional advice.

• I thought it was understood that talking about exes is a dating no-no, no? Why do people continue to do it so frequently? Stop. Please, stop.

• That one time you were really high.

• Anything involving the phrases “go hard” or “get fucked up”


Clearly, I think that first date conversations should be confined to flowers and butterflies. Or, you know, hobbies, interests and activities other than getting crunk and having protected sex with your exes that you brought to this same restaurant where we currently sit. But that might just me, maybe some girls like to know you’ve have a propensity for belligerent brawls and always pick ribbed (for her pleasure.) I guess you have to feel it out and take it on a case by case basis.

First Dates

Tinder Me Softly

If you ask me, Tinder is the dating app that best simulates real life: On a Saturday night at a bar you see millions of faces, each connected to a person whos age and interests you can roughly estimate based off appearance. You pass on person after person, only picking out a few that appeal to you. You think they’re cute and you make eyes at them and if they notice and smile back at you, a conversation might start up (but it’s just as likely that it might not, too.) Tinder does the same thing, just swipe those suckers to the left (pass, pass, pass, pass) until someone catches your eye. Interested? If they are, you match up and the possibility of conversation opens up.

The thing is, just like in a bar, aside from knowing you like this person’s face, you don’t know a dang thing about that stranger you’re looking at. So when I snagged myself my first Tinder date earlier this week, I quickly realized that I was going into this date pretty much blind. Unlike other dating sites, I didn’t have a somewhat carefully crafted profile with key facts about the guy. I didn’t even know how tall he was. We’d exchanged a few text messages and I’d done a bit of interweb snooping, but a LinkedIn page doesn’t exactly give personality insights.

A thing that has always been curious to me about first dates is the whole grandeur of it all. Especially if you’ve got a good vibe off of someone, you’re doing your best impersonation of a charming, smooth, sexy, put-together person, and they’re doing the same. It’s this wonderful/horrible masquerade of trying to be yourself (because you want them to like you) but also trying to be the kind of person that they’ll like (because who can be sure if that’s actually you, right?) Toss in a few drinks and who knows. That’s how my first Tinder date went. Right off the bat, good vibes and the overwhelming need to impress (without looking like you’re trying to hard.)

All in all, I’d say we were both successful in our endeavors to charm and woo with wit and banter. I’m feeling quite a bit intrigued and certainly looking forward to date #2. At some point the guises will be dropped and then the real fun begins!

Speaking of fun, This Girl is going on VACAY TO-DAY!!!
Dropping off the grid for a week. No phone. No internet. No Dates.



See y’all in 9 days!

Good reads

The Funniest Thing I’ve Read in Ages

I can’t even help myself. HowAboutWe and their Date Report  gives me the giggles on the regular but today they really knocked it out of the park with this one. 13 Things That Go Through Your Head Before a First Date by Marla Pachter killed me. So hilarious. So accurate. So… ugh, crap, yeah, first dates… 

Key highlights I can confirm I have absolutely thought on many occasions:

1. Yay, I have a date!!

5. What if I don’t like him?


9. And it is a free meal.


10. Plus, he could be the one. You never know.


Marla, way to nail it girl. Crackin’ me up.
In case you missed the link up top, here it is again and it’s also on my Good Reads page (That’s how much I LOVE it):


Maximizing My Odds

So it turns out that my brother’s Tinder-stranger date went well and was followed up with a second date that, I believe went equally as well. As one who rarely garners much attention from my oldest sibling, I’ve been jumping at the chance to learn more about his life by tapping into our new-found shared interest in dating. Unfortunately, as great as his date was, my date last night was pretty meh. My brother teased me about it (“you sure pick real winners, huh?”) and I defended myself (“I don’t pick them, they pick me. I just say yes to drinks!”) His response: maybe you should say “no” more.

I’ve been contemplating the concept all day. My recent rationale for serious serial dating has been that by increasing my number of dates, I’m increasing my chances of meeting someone interesting/funny/nice/handsome/charming/perfect (hah) Essentially, my habit of dutifully and diligently dating duds is just like picking up every piece of straw in the haystack until I finally find that needle. Or as the oh-so-brilliant Bright Eyes put it:

But I’d rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery 


To be fair, there are plenty of creepers out there that I say no to. But more on that to come shortly.


First Dates

The Waiting Game

Recently, I had a rather spectacular first date.

J Parker is a fantastically trendy rooftop bar with a great view Lincoln Park that happens to be breathtaking at sunset. The guy showed up, well dressed, tall, dark, handsome (well, maybe more cute, but you know). The conversation was good, easy and fun. We walked home and had probably the most ideal first kiss that one could hope for on a first date (and trust me, I’ve got quite a few horrible first date kisses under my belt to compare it to.)  Then we parted ways. The fact is, I wouldn’t mind seeing him again. In fact, I’d genuinely like to see if a second date could maintain the same level of fun and excitement. But at the same time, who knows. So we wait.

My friend shared this hilarious list with me from Buzzfeed, called “The 14 Stages of Accepting a Slow Fade” and I thought it absolutely topical-ish for my life at the moment. I would say I’m somewhere between stage 1 (Blissful Ignorance) and stage 2 (Pause for Thought). Still waiting for that day-after text… Maybe it’ll come today. Maybe I’ll just never ever hear from him ever again. Ever. 

Blissful Ignorance

Pause for Thought

Oh well, got another first date tonight. Stay tuned!

First Dates

The First Date How-To

First of all: I am no dating guru. I’m just a girl who has been on a lot of dates. Anyways, here it is.

A girlfriend of mine recently decided to dip her toes into the pool of online dating and I could practically feel the shiver it put down her spine. Her apprehension mixed with her excitement cracked me up but she obviously wasn’t too hesitant because within a few days she had nailed down her first date. With D-Day (date-day, dur) drawing near, she texted me this morning minorly freaking out: What do I wear? How do I know it’s him? What if there’s nothing to talk about?

I literally laughed out loud but the truth is that when it comes to sitting down across from someone you have absolutely never met before, well, there’s a lot to think about. So here are my tips to surviving, if not enjoying, a first date with a stranger from the internet:

1. What to wear? Whatever you feel comfortable and confident in. As corny as it sounds, being yourself is the thing that matters most, and that includes how you look. This person knows nothing about you and if you genuinely are interested in the possibility of dating them, you want them to know exactly who you are. So wear something because you like it, not because it’s what you’re supposed to wear. Whatever that means.

2. How do you know it’s him? Well, how many people are sitting by themselves at a bar on Tuesday night looking like they’re waiting for someone they’ve never met before? You’ll know. This has literally never ever been a problem for me.

3. What to talk about? I joke that dating is actually just an exercise for my smalltalk skills, which is half joke, half true. You can’t gauge via online messages if someone is a great conversationalist or a dud, so you don’t know what you’re going to get until you sit down and say hi. Sometimes it’s easy and conversation is great. Sometimes it sucks but nothing makes it more awkward than sitting there silently thinking, this sucks. So smile and mention the weather and if he can’t pull it together, ask questions, smile a lot, and keep on going.

4. Most importantly, A first date with a man from the internet isn’t really a date. At least not for the first few hours. It’s literally a chance to sit down and see if you the other person has anything interesting to say and to feel out if there’s any potential chemistry. I’m a firm believer that chemistry is the key to a successful relationship but it’s not easy to come by. So hope for it but realize that if you had it with everyone, it wouldn’t be special. There are a lot of great guys out there but hold out for that spark.

I’m constantly reminded that my extreme willingness to drink and dine with the potentially dubious male population of Chicago is somewhat outside of the norm but I think if you take the right approach, it becomes a little more fun and a lot less awkward.