Advice(Maybe)

Birthday!!!!

It’s my birthday!!!!!!!!

dancin

You know what that mean… Updating the acceptable man age range on millions of dating profiles…. Oh, and champagne! Champs Champs Champs!

I know I’ve been terrible at updating and the truth is… I’ve been terrible at dating lately. Sometimes I think I should just pony up and lower my standards but then I hop on Tinder again and, well, see for yourself:

blogAlthough, a money covered cat doesn’t seem too bad now that I think about it.. hmmm. Oh, and thanks Ashley, your jorts selfie really made my day. All this combined with the weather as of late and its just like,

but...

Ok, ok, ok now back to the champs!

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Online Dating

Lords a Leaping (i.e. Men for Christmas)

Picture1When asked what I wanted for Christmas, a new man and a new car were essentially the top two things on my list. Granted, my dad would do a stellar job at picking out an affordable, reliable vehicle to truck me around the city, but I started to get curious about what kind of suitor my family members would wrap up and put under the tree if given the chance.

Probably, my mother would snag me a dapper (and tall) Canadian gent. Liberal thinking, who likes to wear buffalo plaid, and knows how to sail a laser. He’d have to be able to play card games without getting too rowdy, enjoy washing the dishes after dinner, and, of course, would be able to craft a stellar G&T. A rugged yet refined, educated lumberjack with a 9 to 5 and high IQ.

canada

My mom and I have pretty similar taste.

My dad on the other hand, I can only begin to imagine. He’d probably find some goofy hooligan who he could count on to be up for picking the most ridiculous paper to wrap my guy in (something with a repeating pattern of J.Biebs or OneD) before leaving him under the tree for days/weeks so as to deter my suspicions (secretly feeding him only at night once I’ve gone to bed and never ever sneezing.) Mandatory skills include golf, yoga and a propensity for bad puns. A laid back attitude paired with a well rounded mental database of all things science-related, ranging from bird and plant identification skills to conversational knowledge of lipid mediators and Citrullination. Whatever those are.

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I think I may have actually gone out with this guy on Tuesday (minus the golf/yoga bit, plus a bit of knowledge about fermentation as it pertains to brewskies.) Second date on the books for Monday

I think… that my brother… would, hmmm, uh, maybe, Send me one of his MBA buddies? Or pull some wine & cheese loving, foodie, [successful] vineyard owning hipster. Or a tech/finance nerd. An engineer? Interest in travel would be appreciated, I’m sure. The seal of approval would come once he knew what kind of books the guy kept (and once he knew his income.)

California

Fun fact: Ashton Kutcher studied engineering before he realized how attractive he was. Fun fact: Steve Jobs was a brilliant wackadoo

Update: upon reading this post, my brother told me I was way off base but also refused to correct me. He also told me to stop writing about him on my blog. Like that’s going to happen!

Obviously, Jake the Cat just wants me to stay single.

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That said, we’ve got some irons in the fire despite the hectic holiday season. Holiday dating is a trick (can I get an Amen?). How the heck am I supposed to make time for cocktails when all I can think about is sugar plumps and twinkle lights?? And it’s no fun to do the romantic holiday dates with someone you’ve just met (although a Zoo Lights date is in the works!) Plus, my Tinder activity has severely dropped off since discovering QuizUp. I guess I like being smarter than people more than I like being judgmental (ha)

So blogosphere, got any tips for holiday-style dating? And more importantly, what are you asking for this holiday season?

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Messages

Pretty Please

Some days I like to write a post and try to be witty. Some days it’s Monday morning and all I can do is look for something to make me laugh. Fortunately, the men of OkCupid keep me slappin’ my kee and LOLing (or LOTI- Laughing on the inside! (I just made that up.))

This charmer tried to pick up one of my friends. It’s not a terrible offer, all things considered:

prettycutegirlfriendHappy Monday kids! I hope you’ve got a great week in store :)

 

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