First off, I’m not one for beating around the bush, dilly-dallying, or hemming/hawing. I like to be direct and I appreciate when others are upfront as well. So here’s this:
That said, I’m also no old lady, grumpy curmudgeon (yet) but come on, friend! You’re 20. Stop trolling for ladies to bed on the internet. Take a stab around town. Have you been to Wrigleyville? It’s like a barrel full of fishes, ready for you to shoot. No need to “cut to the chance” (ha) or convince them you know “what you’re doing when it comes to sex.” Just buy a couple of shots of fireball, tell her she’s the prettiest girl at Sluggers (or Deuce’s, or John Barleycorn, or Barcelona, etc…. *sigh*) and use protection.
Last week was an exciting one for me. After a bit of a rocky start, things really took off and by Friday, I felt really blessed to have a number of spectacular opportunities come my way to round out my week. The majority of offers made to me were hard to refuse but I’ll admit, a couple were a bit questionable. In the last few weeks in particular I’ve noticed a strange new trend emerging in my favorite dating platforms.
To be fair, the propositions that have been made to me by strangers on the interwebs have always been interesting. From a first date hiking in a state park well outside of the city (i.e. a perfect spot to murder me and to bury my body) to the promise of “dinner, drinks and special treats” (no i.e. needed, just use your imagination folks,) I’ve had more than a few unique “opportunities” presented to me. But lately, I’ve been seeing a few more offers like this one:
Flattering, right? And her enthusiasm is undeniable. But this wasn’t the first of such offers I came across last week and upon receiving this well-worded, incredibly friendly message more than a few things ran through my mind.
Now I’ve known plenty of people who are very open about their personal activities, but while I’m a Chatty-Cathy the majority of the time, I think some things are best kept between us two, if you know what I mean. Call me a prude, call me an uppity priss, call me whatever you want, but it has always baffled me how forward and vocal some people are about their bedroom antics, especially with strangers. I know the internet is kind of like the 4th wall that separates people to an extent, creating a strange semi-safe space, but just like when a character shatters that 4th wall in a movie, when a fellow online dater breaks into that new frontier, directing their sexuality at me so pointedly, I find myself a bit jarred.
Mostly, I was just startled. The whole situation reminded me of the Sex and the City episode (Season 1: Episode 8) when Miranda seeks out a bit of validation by answering a classified ad for a threesome after the other ladies neglect to include her in their theoretical threesomes. I guess I’m still stuck in 1998, but I thought threesomes were still confined to classifieds and Craigslist.
And I couldn’t help to think… maybe OkCupid is the new classifieds
(yes, that’s a Carrie reference)
What do you think? Are online dating platforms the new classified ads? If so, don’t you think they should be a little more organized as such. M4W? M4M? W4THREESOME. I wasn’t asking for it, but yet here it came my way. Only in 2013.
BTW: Feel free to jump down my throat about being a sexist for writing this post about a message from a woman, but the fact of the matter is that I forgot to screen shot the one from the dapper gentleman. Whoops.