That headline, it’s mostly a joke. I’m not terribly ill. Just a little on the less than healthy side, it seems. None the less, I’m well overdue for a post and I’ve got plenty of little anecdotes to throw around from the last few weeks. We’ll start with the most recent:
1. In my fatigued state yesterday, I typed out my phone number to a nice young gent on Tinder with whom I had been chatting. After no text for a couple of hours, I figured he had blown me off. And then…. I got a text… from my dad:
My father and I both got cell phones at the same time, on the same plan. Our phone numbers? identical, except for the last digit. I was very fortunate that my father, a notorious prankster, didn’t send this kid on some wild goose chase. In fact, my father didn’t even respond (so say my mother). And I quickly redirected the charming young man to the correct phone number, double checking each of the ten digits carefully before I hit send. We’ve been chatting. Things look promising. I smell a date in my future!
2. Saturday night I had a second round of drinks with an awkwardly adorable lawyer-type fellow. We met at a bar I had never been to and picked questionable songs from the jukebox (cute, right?) Then we headed out, grabbed a bite to eat, and he suggested we follow it up with one more drink. We shuffled our way through the frozen tundra that is “chiberia” (as they call it), and found ourself in one dive bar after another. We wound up in one of my favorite local spots where he sipped on whiskey and I savored a pinot noir. We chatted about all sorts of things and bickered about the merits of professional basketball players (my official position: those guys are hacks!) We closed the place down and shared a cab (no worries, mom. We made two stops. He dropped me off at my place, safe and sound.) This was our second 5+ hour-long date in 3 days (the previous, on Thursday night) and things were looking pretty promising. But then… eh, nothing. I’ve received a total of four texts from the kid over the last week, all in response to questions asked by me. He mentioned he “hated texting” but, I mean, commmmmeeeee onnnn. Nobody hates texting. Whatever. The kid’s got my number. If he feels like texting me ever, well, we’ll wait and see.
3. This guy with really, really good intentions cooked dinner for me. He made cabbage and spicy sausage…
So that was a thing.
4. HowAboutWe baited me with half off the membership fee and I bit. So far, only nibbles from single men out there. The format: you write a status “How about we….[insert cute/charming/witty date idea here]”. Status goes out into the HowAboutWe community, where interested parties can click the “I’m intrigued” button. Which is all good and dandy but, as far as I can tell, nobody ever gets beyond the intrigue. No dates coming my way from HowAboutWe any time soon. On the upside, if not a single man gets his act together enough to be more than intrigued by the time my 6-month membership is up, I get my $30 back. Yippee…
5. Meanwhile, during my zombie-like sick state, when I’m not busy coughing or sleeping, I’ve been prowling the internet, finding the finest, most eligible bachelors Chicago has to offer. Here are my findings:
A nice little selection, representing the great options available on two different platforms (OkCupid, HowAboutWe, hyperlinked, just in case you want to seek any of these guys out – they’re all single! And looking to mingle!)
That’s all to report at the moment. Once I stop with this disgusting cough, perhaps I’ll land a few more dates. In the meanwhile, my plans for getting healthier look something like this:
Have a good weekend, y’all and have a drink for sick ol’ me on this snowy Saturday night!